USA WINS WORLD CUP! Can we declare today a holiday right after Independence Day? Perhaps call it, “FIFA JULY” (because today’s the 5th)? Oh never mind!


If I use Photoshop to stitch pictures together, am I practicing photosynthesis?


I once thought Ariana Grande was a font on Microsoft Word. Turns out I have one less problem without it.


In about two hours, I’ll be taking a lab practical that will test my knowledge about fungus… I guess they don’t realize I’m a fungi, myself.


Apple has security guards in their store to prevent theft of the iPhone 6 or 6 Plus. But does Samsung contract Guardians of the Galaxy?


Got caught in the rain in my Sounders jersey… I guess you could say that it’s now “Dampsey“!


My brain has too many tabs open; I can’t even figure out which one is playing that song that’s stuck in my head

Shark Week

Shark Week’s popularity somehow Krakens me up.


Of all of the fragrance commercials I have seen, none of them have made scents…


I don’t understand why the Fifty Shades of Grey movie is trending… every movie prior to 1940 had fifty shades of grey…


Once you’ve caught up on all of your emails, you’ll start having a positive Outlook on life.


Signature. Event. TONIGHT!!!! Better practice my handwriting.


When my dad complains that iCloud isn’t syncing up files to the TV. Good thing we have OneDrive on our side.

20th Century Fox / The Simpsons


Despite the tough loss yesterday, there’s a huge chance that Tim Howard is throwing a block party.


To determine the best bakery in town, look for the one with the longest line. That would be the breadwinner that doesn’t loaf around.


Now that I’ve learned how to make sushi, I guess you could say my culinary skills are “on a roll”…!


When police are performing sobriety tests, do they start with a “breath first search”? (It’s a data structures pun)


Hearing people complain about Windows is very pane-ful…


Whenever I have to integrate with a new crowd, my face is like :∫


I’ve always wanted to take salsa dancing lessons, but I’m worried that I would have to “ketchup” to everyone else’s talents.


If your graphics card is acting up, there’s a chance that your computer is drunk. You should find a “designated driver” to properly display graphics to your monitor to resolve the...


A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It’s a Shih Tzu…


Happy Birthday to the Rubik’s Cube! I wish solving the puzzle was enough to consider it an “a-rubik” (aerobic) activity…


I guess you could say that SeaWorld Shamu shows are well “ORCAstrated”!


Day 1 of finals has passed and I already feel like this bicycle that I came across last night… too tired


Sometimes my response to things are “I just can’t even”, probably because I’m an “odd” person…


If you kick a tree hard enough, it just might bark at you.


I just used a vending machine to convert all of my nickels and dimes into dollar bills… I guess that’s what I call “change I can believe in”


It’s National Pancake Day, and I’m “flipping” out that I can’t go because of my busy schedule…

Get Snow (To the tune of Get Low)

To the windoooowww to the wall (to the wall)
To the ice that makes us fall
To all, you people crawl
To all, sleet sleet sleet sleet?


Just bought myself a candy bar to prepare for Valentine’s Day. I guess you could say it’s CRUNCH time!


We’re supposed to get another 1-3 inches of snow tonight, but the fact that my school hardly ever cancels classes is very flaky…


Isn’t Project Runway a TV show about airplanes? Sorry, I winged that pun…


I’m the kind of person that never apologizes. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am…


Apparently, this post was featured on the jumbotron at Ross-Ade Stadium during a Purdue Football Game

No wonder it’s so windy outside; Drew Brees is here!


I left my cart unattended for two minutes at a grocery store. I come back to find it emptied. Someone cleared my cookies…


This happened when a power outage occurred at school: And in “current” news, power has been restored! It’s “shocking” how the power company got the job done a day and a...


The NWS advises staying away from windows during a tornado warning. Good thing I bought a Mac.


My socks always find a way to get separated… You would think they would be “stocking” each other…


On a day with weather like this, I want to thank the elevators for lifting me up when I’m down

Oct vs Dec

“Programmers should really take Halloween off since Oct 31 = Dec 25…”


The knife company that’s only promoting their product for those over 21 only instead of 18 isn’t very sharp…

My clothes refused to get dry from the clothes dryer, and for that they should be hanged.


There tends to be paper in my sandwiches from On-The-Go; it really FOILS my breakfast…

Linear Algebra

I thought I understood Linear Algebra… I guess not…


When people make positive remarks about my corny jokes, my first response is typically “Aww shucks!” (as in you shuck corn? Oh never mind…)


With the Express Rocks Tour on Engineering Mall, I guess you could say that campus sidewalks are now considered…. “Expressways”?


I thought linear algebra was supposed to be “straight-forward”… I have never been so wrong…


My sunburnt skin has finally healed; the aftermath is very ap-peel-ing


I was thinking about putting salt onto my fries, but then I thought Na…


I woke up this morning from a dream where I dated Taylor Swift. I felt happy, free, lonely, and confused at the same time…


After dealing with calculus for a couple of years, simple algebra such as 2n+2n is 4n to me…


I always check my pockets for loose change before throwing them in the washer; I don’t want to be charged with money laundering…


If I ever own a truck dealership in the future, the first things I’ll work on are my pickup lines.


Why is it always hard to find parking at the Fashion Mall? Is it because I’m fashionably late?


If firefighters put on a fireworks display in a light drizzle, does that mean they’re setting fire to the rain?


When a class requires me to spend extra money on engineering paper, there is a chance that the professor is plotting something…


I thought I was good at debugging… until I found out that I’m covered in mosquito bites…

Calorie Burning

Now that summer is here, I’ll let you all in on a little secret about how I burn my calories. I cook my food in the microwave until it turns black!


Phase portraits? Is that where I take a self-pic of myself when I’m going through a phase (such as duck face) or….


People who act like spoiled brats are the wurst…


Whenever I drive, I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it…


My professors keep telling me that I’m average in the class… that’s just mean


I think all trees and plants “soiled” themselves when they heard that we’re supposed to get more snow in the next 48 hours…


When friends complain to me about how cold it is outside, I just tell them to stand at a corner. Corners are 90 degrees.

Gym Time

Friend: “When do relationships ever work out…?”
Me: “When a couple goes to the gym together.”


My good friend and I have been rehearsing for our band, 999 Megabytes. We’ve decided we’re not quite ready for a gig yet…

Judgement Day

In December 2012, people were speculating that there would be “Judgement Day” or a rapture.

People will soon be making rapture jokes like there’s no tomorrow…


Calc III exam scores posted… this face pretty much sums up my impression… :Σ

Avoiding Scams

There are so many scams on the Internet nowadays, but for $19.95, I can show you how to avoid them.


A lot of my friends think my jokes are corny; personally, I think they are a-maize-ing!


I tried flipping through Fifty Shades of Grey once…


Tonight was a night of bonding for me… a strong bond between me and chemistry…